Written on Friday 17th March:
Hugo’s in nursery, it’s a grey, rainy and cold day today and I’m nesting like a crazy lady. For some reason I felt the need to put down the boxes and take time out to express some of my thoughts that have been consuming me recently. Amongst all this craziness there’s a quietness today, with no-one else in the house and just myself to keep company. Soon though there will be another little life vocalising his needs within these walls and I am so excited.
Excited is definitely my most heightened emotion right now but I also feel anxious, with so many questions whizzing around my head.
Can my body do this?
Will my baby boy be delivered safely into this world?
How will Hugo react?
How will I get out the house with two when I’m always late now?
If I can’t keep up with household chores now how will I ever manage looking after all the washing a newborn creates too as well as the endless list of other jobs I need to do?
The answer to some of these questions is, ‘Because, we are women, we are mothers and yes we have superpowers that enable us to just do it all somehow. Yes we may freak out sometimes and if it was a competition we would win a medal for the most moaning to our partners but that’s only because we care about our family and homes so much. We may be running late but we get there somehow and you can bet the kids look like a million dollars while we didn’t have time to shower this morning. Motherhood is bloomin’ hard work but we get the best rewards anyone could ever receive and that’s the love from a child!’
Dress from the stylish women’s wear brand LEGOE who provide gorgeous maternity and non-maternity wear
I went for a growth scan two weeks ago and they measured this baby boy at 8lbs already and said he was on par with Hugo’s birth weight, give or take 10%.
A bit of context on Hugo’s birth as I never actually shared my birth story…
Hugo was 9lb 15.5oz… so basically a 10 pounder and he got stuck coming out and I remember being given one last push with the help of forceps before it was going to emergency c-section. It was a very long arduous labour with pre-labour contractions starting on the Saturday night so I couldn’t sleep, to full labour contractions on the Sunday night. My waters went very early hours Monday morning and I eventually gave birth Tuesday morning at 4.28am absolutely exhausted but ecstatic to have this little soul in my arms. I remember telling my husband Ayman, ‘I’m dying’ which you may think is a total over-exaggeration but honestly I actually thought I was. I can laugh at it now although the kind of pain I experienced has got me really freaking out that I’m about to put myself through it all over again.
I’m very, very anxious and I think it’s because of the unknown. I know I can’t guarantee that I’m going to have the perfect labour that I would love but the main thing in my head is I want this baby in my arms alive and well. If I end up having a c-section, epidural, stitches or whatever I don’t care as long as we are both here and ok.
I think I’m also a little hung up on what my sister Laura went through with the birth of my nephew Noah 13 months ago who came into the world in very difficult circumstances weighing 11lbs 4oz. You can read about it here but in summary, he got stuck in delivery and was starved of oxygen for five minutes meaning he needed cooling therapy treatment on his brain for 72 hours. He is absolutely fine now though with no signs of any brain damage which is amazing and he is everything a one-year-old should be.
Anyway I feel like I’m being really negative and I need to think and speak positivity over this whole birth and trust that everything will be ok and that my body knows what it’s doing. I just hope that he’s not as big as Hugo or, if he is, that my body is able to push him out naturally. I haven’t been given the option of a planned c-section but I’d really prefer to avoid that. What the doctors have planned is a sweep this Thursday and then to be induced on the Friday or Saturday… i.e. on or just after my due date. I’m not even overly keen on being induced though as I’d love for things to happen naturally but then I’m scared of having another huge baby and possible complications. Oh goodness, I’m just going to see how it goes after the sweep and then see how I feel about being induced as I don’t have to have it but the doctors have advised that I do. Everyone keeps saying that the second time is so much easier! I really hope that’s the case for me :).
It really helps ease my mind when I read positive birth stories like my sister-in-law Leilah’s with my nephew Ariyan (who arrived in January) and in more recent days Lauren from Hunters & Heels – she said it was amazing and really quick!
So to help this worrying mama (which is so not me by the way as I’m usually a positive thinker!) I have bought some hypnobirthing techniques / music to help me when labour starts. This was on recommendation from Lauren so I really hope it works for me in the same way :).
I’m praying hard about the whole birth process and that God will help us both through it and I keep speaking positivity over it all and to trust myself.
To accept that whatever birth method happens on the day is ok and not to get too hung up if it doesn’t happen the way I wanted it to happen.
Ok I’ve said it, I’ve openly expressed and rambled and it feels good to share and be honest.
For anyone reading this who’s pregnant for the first time, whatever birth you have there is no better feeling in the world than when you hold your baby in your arms for the first time. It is one of the most euphoric feelings that is indescribable and for that reason I would do it all over again time after time. It is so worth it! I said that straight after Hugo was born despite his traumatic birth and it’s so true and I’m actually about to do it all over again :).
Thanks for reading and who knows, the next time I write in this space we may be a family of four and have a little newborn snoozing beside me 🙂 Happy 39 weeks to me!
I’d love to hear some of your birth stories and any tips or recommendations to help me through it this time!
Sally & my big 39 week bump
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20 weeks of being pregnant
Gift ideas for mums-to-be
Babymooning at the Scarlet Hotel
I had a 10lb 5oz boy first time around. Similar to you, induced labour, he got stuck, failed forceps and then emergency c-section. Second time around I was soooo worried as he was measuring big too and they wanted me to have a planned c-section as they didn’t want me to have an induction. They recommended an early sweep (at 38 weeks) which I had and then later that night I went into labour with no 2!
It was a natura birth! He was another big boy who also got stuck but the forceps worked this time. I did lose a lot of blood which meant I couldn’t breastfeed as no milk came through but I was soooo happy he came naturally 2 weeks early! He was 9lb 7oz so definitely another big one!!
You will be fine, you’re body definitely knows what it is doing, especially second time around!!!
Can’t wait to hear about it.
Hi Sally, ok….2 big positives! your body has done this before SO it already has done the groundwork AND you know what to expect re pain/options etc that will automatically give you some sort of familiarity, hence more calmness! I had 2 completely different births, first planned section due to a breech position, then 2nd one natural, little panic at the end so she needed ventouse but all done & dusted from start to finish in 8 hours!
Anyway hope that helps, when you are a family of 4 and all settled i must loan you my Tropic products for the whole family- babies too! I know we exchanged emails about it last year but that 2nd baby is now 16 mths and keeping me VERY busy!!
I had a 9lbs 4 boy first time round with hypnobirthing. Had no pain relief, not even gas and air, I had all the tools I needed to get me through it. Just believe in yourself and your body, and stay relaxed. Every story is different. You’ve got this Mama.
Oh darling. I felt every word of this post. And I understand, because I know if I’m blessed to have another baby my fear will be as heartfelt as yours is. He’ll be here so very soon. Two weeks from now, maybe even two days from now he’s going to be here in your arms and you will be on the other side. As is said above, your body has done this before and you’ve gone through this before, you’re amazing and you can and will do this mama. Sending you so much love xxxxxx
Oh sweetie! I want to give you a big hug!
This birth will be so different to the last. Trust that your body knows what it’s doing, relax and keep breathing.
However he gets here, when he’s in your arms, all will be forgotten.
Can’t wait to see his beautiful face! Love you xxxx
Oh darling, everything your feeling is totally normal, but trust your body and yourself. You can do this!
So excited for this next beautiful chapter for you, soon these worries will seem like a distant memory.
Big love and you know where I am if you need to chat, moan, cry xxxxxx
Ahhh Sally, how exciting that your baby boy is going to be here so soon!!
I’m sure this birth will be smoother than the last. I’m no expert, but the only advice I can offer it to focus on things that make you feel positive and strong — perhaps take some items with you. For me, I pulled on my training and took photographs with me of my toughest physical challenge. They helped remind me that my mind would give up long before my body would so just to breath, focus and keep going. Oh and snacks to keep your energy levels up! I had to push for a reallllyyyy long time and I was so thankful my husband had packed snacks for us both!
Can’t wait to hear news!
Love, Chloe xxx
My first son was 9lbs 13oz and was too big to decend, it resulted in him being stuck and I had to have an emergency caesarean. I was so nervous about the birth of my second son; we had growth scans, diabetes tests and the choice between a planned csection or trying to attempt a VBAC. After all of the worry and the hours and hours of trying to get baby into optimal position before labour, he arrived naturally and only weighing a dinky 7lbs 1 1/2oz! Such a surprise. You’ve got this mumma! Xxx
Stay positive Sally, believe in yourself. Keep telling yourself your body can birth you baby. Go with your instinct & no matter which way he is born as long as you’re both safe & well nothing else matters.
I’m 27 weeks pregnant with my second & had a relatively simple natural birth first time round so I have no idea what you have been through giving birth to Hugo. Our NHS is a wonderful place & you will be in the best place.
Take care, will be thinking of you. Lots of Love x
I’ve learned that every baby, every pregnancy, is so different! You can’t really compare them. And yet, there can be similarities. But you won’t know what they’ll be until looking back! Looking back, my babies were the same exact measurements and weight, I tore exactly the same, and was stitched exactly the same, lost a lot of blood the same. But those were the things I thought would be different! The things that I thought would be the same, my due date, how baby came out, how I pushed, we’re totally different! 9 days late with this one, 1 day early with the last. This one was sunny side up so I had to push harder. You just never know! But I’m a week postpartum now and it’s good to look back and see that whatever was going to happen did happen. And I’m glad God is in control, not us! You can do it, mama. He’s with you.
I’ve just found your beautiful blog through Instagram and thought I would share a positive birth story!
I am a mum to 4 mini humans (well, actually some of them are quite large now) and all of them apart from my 2nd were big babies.
I had my last baby, Noah, naturally in the water. I breathed him out and he was 9lb 4oz.
I had panicked a LOT that my body wouldn’t be able to deliver another baby – I was getting older and didn’t believe I could do it without copious amounts of painkillers and probably surgical intervention. However, I stayed calm and believed in myself and after only about 2 hours of labour and NO stitches my little boy was in my arms.
Your body DOES know what it’s doing and so do you. You’ve got this!
Jo thank you so much, I’ve only had time to reply just now but my second birth sounds kind of similar to yours, being able to birth hi in the water was incredible!! xxx
Thank you Morgan, you’re totally right!! Funny both of mine came just a few hours past their due date and very long labours but both got here in the end! Thanks so much for your message! xxx
Thank you Jamie-Lee, I think I must have repeated those lines a million times when I was in labour! Thank you for your encouraging words xxxx
Wow, what a surprise!! I would love a surprise like that haha. Goes to show even the highest of technology can never guarantee xxx
AW Chloe, these were wonderful words of advice and I made sure we had lots of yummy snacks to keep me going! Thank you so much for all your kind words of encouragement xxxx
Thanks darling! I know I just need to believe in myself a bit more!! You’re always so encouraging, thank you my lovely xxxx
Aw thank you my beautiful!! You’ve been such a great support throughout this whole time, thanks for all your positivity and advice too 🙂 xxx lots of love xxx
Thank you beautiful, you always know what to say to help a mama in need! Love you so much xxx
Thanks so much for your amazing words Georgia, hypnobirthing was a lifesaver!!! xxx
Thanks so much for your lovely words Kerry! I’m so grateful it all ended up fantastic in the end and yes we need touch base about all that again xxxx
Oh wow, 9lb 7oz and two weeks early, good job they gave you the sweep when they did hey, haha. We both must be destined to just birth big babies! So happy for you that it was what you wanted second time round!! xxxx lots of love xxxx